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2009 Disciples Workshop Report
by Joshua Brinkerhoff, Ottawa UBF

1 Samuel 13:14b "the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart..."

I was greatly blessed in attending the first disciples' workshop, held in Chicago UBF headquarters on June 16-20, 2009. The program, which was entitled, "After God's Own Heart," focused on 1 Samuel, and was quite intense: twelve messages, five group Bible studies, three testimony-writing-and--sharing times--all in just four days! But I never felt bored or exhausted. Rather, the word of God worked powerfully through all the messages and Bible studies. In this report, I want to review what I learned.

Our study of 1 Samuel began by looking at Hannah through a message delivered by Teddy Hembekides. She had a terrible life issue as a result of the Lord closing her womb, but her problem was not just about her barrenness--it was fundamental to her relationship with God. Through prayer, she accepted the love and good purpose of God. Her vow was the expression of surrender to God and the evidence that Hannah fundamentally desired to love God and be sure of God's love. Through this message, I thought about my own heart and desires. I realized that my heart wasn't like Hannah's; I desired God's blessing in my family, school, and fruit in the ministry more than God. I accepted that God is waiting for me to surrender myself to Him. Learning God's heart begins with this surrender to love God and desire God above all else.

Next, we looked at Samuel's early life and national leadership through two messages given by Mark Vucekovich and Joseph Schafer. As a boy, God prepared Samuel under Eli until he was called by God. The message emphasized the absolute need for God's word in our time, and so we must listen intently to God's word until we receive His personal calling to be servants of His word in our generation. As Samuel grew, he demonstrated national-level leadership. He prayed for the people on a national level, called them to repent on a national level, and taught God's word throughout the nation. I learned that God wants me to expand my heart and vision to the national level. Up to now, I was satisfied being the father of my adorable 14-month-old daughter, but God wants me to expand my heart to be a father for Canada, lead His people by giving them God's word on a national level. I repented of having such a self-centered heart. May God raise me and many young people as a fathers and mothers for Canada, USA, and the world!

Next, we looked at Saul--a man who failed to learn God's heart. Dr. Paul Hong explained that Saul's main failure was his refusal to learn from his mistakes. He failed to learn God's heart by failing to listen, failing to learn, and failing to repent. Samuel rebuked him--to obey is better than sacrifice. From this I learned that offering meaningless and insincere repentance is like a useless sacrifice. Writing about my sins is not what pleases God--rather, sincerely repenting, learning from my failures, and obeying God. This message deeply moved my heart. I feel that my life resembles Saul in some respects. In a small ministry like Ottawa UBF, I had many responsibilities and privileges. Also from a human point of view, I had some successes as a graduate student and researcher. But I didn't feel like a successful man; in my heart I constantly felt inadequate because of repeated failure in one particular area--personal holiness. During testimony sharing, I revealed my failure to fear God and honour my wife through secretly indulging in lustful sins. I felt like a complete failure as a Christian and as a man. I was afraid to show who I truly am to others for fear that they may reject me and think poorly of me, especially my wife. Like Saul, I lived before people and sought their approval, but didn't live before God or seek God's heart. But one word of God came to my heart: even though I failed, I am not a failure and my life is not a failure because Jesus took my failure and bore it in my place on the cross. Jesus never rejects me, Jesus never drives me away, and I can always go to my Saviour Jesus. Through this message, I made a resolution to fear God and obey His commandments. I decided to not just write about my sins, but learn from my failures, listen to the word of God, come to Jesus and learn from him and grow in him. Thank Jesus for rescuing me from a life of failure and washing me newly in his blood. Amen.

Next, we moved on to look at Jonathan through a message by Jacob Lee and David through messages by Dr. Jim Rabchuk and Ron Ward. David taught me two points: first, he gave his heart. In shepherding his father's sheep, he gave his heart to protect them, and in shepherding the armies of Israel, he gave his heart and defeated Goliath. I realized that although I do many things, I do not give my heart. Second, David learned God's heart through wilderness training. What is God's heart? After this whole workshop, I realized that God's heart is a shepherd's heart. Through much hardship, David could love and serve others with the shepherd heart of God. When I think about my own heart, I was really self-centered. I didn't really love my sheep; if they missed a Bible study, I was happy because I could go back to my lab and continue working. I learned that I need to deny my self-centered heart and learn God's shepherd heart. God wants to train me until I have His heart--compassionate, sacrificial, and broken for the lost. I really repent of my lack of shepherd's heart.

Through the workshop, I decided to receive God's discipline to learn His shepherd's heart. God must have heard my prayer, for His discipline started right away: during sports fellowship on the second day, I badly injured my ankle and was reduced to hobbling around on crutches for the rest of the workshop. Others had to get my food, carry my Bible, and so forth. But they helped me from their heart. This painful injury was God's love for me to begin opening my eyes and learn His heart. Because of this, I was so happy to have a sprained ankle. My crutches and swollen foot reminded me that God loves me. He is mercifully raising even this self-centered sinner into a man after His own heart.

"Lord, thank you for giving me your word through this workshop. Thank you for affirming your love and teaching me your heart through my sprained ankle. Please raise many young people as fathers and mothers for this nation who give their hearts in serving the Lord. May you make Canada and USA a kingdom of priests and a holy nation! I pray in Jesus' name, Amen."

One Word: A man after God's own heart!